I could write anywhere, right?!
Writing is something I crave. Sometimes it happens in the middle of a lesson that I suddenly get an overwhelming need to write, to withdraw into private reflections and gently release my thoughts to the sound of a pen brushing against paper. But this yearning to flirt with thoughts, to catch them into words, to contemplate in writing can much too often turn into a struggle and instead of writing down my bones I feel them ache. Yet why is this?
Zhenya got the ball rolling with her post on blogging habits and rituals, and if ever there was an occasion to contemplate my blog writing, this is definitely one. So before I delve into the three questions listed by Zhenya, I’d like to thank her for that fun and inspiring challenge and invite other bloggers to join in as well!
So, back to my writer’s block and blogging rituals in general. More often than not I like to jot down a draft of sorts. I like the feel of pen and paper, or more precisely pencil and paper. When it comes to mind mapping or lists or doodling I need a pencil. I have notebooks, sticky notes and paper lying all over the place so I simply grab one and start scribbling. I might do it all in a row or with small breaks in the middle (one needs abundant coffee and tea to be able to write well) or I might do it over a day or two. This latter is actually the wisest option as many of my best ideas pop into my head in the shower, while driving or when by the oven. The silly thing is that many a times I neglect this important ripening period. Take this post, for instance. I felt like taking up Zhenya’s challenge and here I am sucking words out of the keyboard instead of letting them drop onto the paper once they are ripe and juicy.
The surrounding is important. Or at least, that’s what I have been thinking till now. I somehow used to think that my best posts are born in my office under my tiny twinkling lights with a cuppa next to me. But how can I know? I have rarely written longer pieces outside in the wild world and the more I think about it, the more eager and curious I grow to give it a try. I have a funny feeling that the background noise will actually work as a wall between me and the outside world and make me concentrate more effectively on my own thoughts, it’d help me to withdraw deeper into my own self and find sentiments and words floating in abundance.
Prior to writing I often read a couple of posts either from fellow teachers or bloggers in general. This will help me to get into the English writing mood.
And that’s where we get to the two habits I find upsetting and awfully demanding. Why do I need to warm up, to get myself into the English mood? Well, as several other bloggers who took up this challenge have noted, being a non-native English speaker can slow the writing process down considerably. And this is definitely the case with me. While Mike mentioned in his comment to Zhenya’s post that mistakes slip in and so what, then many (I guess I can generalize here a bit) non-native speakers have this paralyzing need to get it all nice and neat and super correct and let’s push a little further – it has to be VERY GOOD. Not just good, but VERY good. And this is where the heaviest and biggest cornerstone of my writer’s block resides. There it is! When I write in Estonian ( I have a personal blog too) words simply flow out of me. I don’t need to think hard, I don’t have to look for the best suitable word for the feeling I need to express. Not at all, in Estonian, my mind, my lexis, my hand, they all collaborate and oh what a joy that is. But writing in English is hard work. Honestly, it can be extremely frustrating when you are absolutely sure there is this word or expression that would transmit your sentiment so well, but you simply cannot find it. And that’s when I get stuck. I sit at the computer, I am aching all over, getting more and more frustrated and the feelings that want to get out onto the screen rush to the front of my skull, collide, heap up and rage for release. But I cannot help them as the right words to free them are suddenly lost to me.
The other impeding habit is similar to Hana’s. Instead of writing my posts in stages, taking time off when needed, I want to get it all over with in one go. Now, considering the amount of time I spend looking for words and struggling with getting my thoughts down as truthfully as possible, this ‘one go’ can grow into a seriously long episode. Being a mom of three, these interminable episodes come with a cost and I don’t like to pay this price.
So, having typed all the above, I guess it’s time I came to the last question which was about the one new ritual we’d like to establish this year. Well, I guess you could write it for me now that you’ve read my post (Anyone still reading? … hello? Anyone out there?)
I hope I won’t be evicted from the challenge if I put down three blogging hopes for this new year.
Firstly, I simply need to write more often. Of course it’s hard to verbalize my thoughts in satisfactory English if I do it too seldom.
To fight the important correct-word blockage, I should finally start walking my talk. Let me explain. Whenever I ask my students to do some free writing, I always tell them to just keep writing and not bother too much about producing the correct sentences. What is important is to catch the thoughts before they flee and then worry about the words and expressions later. Well, I definitely need to practice what I preach!
And last (and the most exciting of all for me) – start writing posts outside my cosy office! I want to experiment with writing pretty much anywhere and see what the change in decor has to offer. I will, of course, let you know as to the place of birth of any of my following posts.